If you leave your massive dogs, who sound as if they would eat Cujo, in the utility room with a door latch that allows the door to open partially so their slavering maws can be seen, I'm probably not going to tour the entire house.
If the three children are at home with no adult supervision, they probably aren't going to leave the house in the shape it was before you left. Or you just didn't do any picking up before you left.
If you own property with lovely pasture land and a beautiful home, but people just don't make offers, it may be because you sold some of the land on the front, next to the drive, to someone who put in a double-wide.
Your beautiful home, with incredible trees and landscaping, is directly across the road from a setting straight out of The Grapes of Wrath. And that setting was there when you built the house.
Those two bedrooms on the far end of the house would be great-except there's no access to a bathroom on the same end of the house.
Your house is lovely. The neighbors with the raggedy travel trailer in the yard and knee high grass-not so much.
You added a garage, but there is no way to get into the back yard except THROUGH the garage...
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I'm A Techie, Now!
I'm not a fan of modern technology. Okay, I know that's not really true-I don't want to do the laundry in a tub with a washboard-but I'm not a fan of the gadgets.
Until now.
Epic Husband convinced me to buy a Nook for myself. Oh, my. I may never purchase another paperback book again. I can read in bed, on my side, with the Nook on a pillow, and my glasses don't get shoved all cattywampus. And I can read an 800 page paperback with just one hand. And my thumb doesn't cramp when I'm on page 400 or so from trying to hold the book open. And I can increase the font size so I don't have to go buy the next higher magnification of reading glasses. Yet. And I don't have to fill Epic Dog's tote with books when we travel to baseball games.
I'll still buy some hardback books, but that's just because I love collecting books. For the actual reading, I'm hooked on the Nook!
Until now.
Epic Husband convinced me to buy a Nook for myself. Oh, my. I may never purchase another paperback book again. I can read in bed, on my side, with the Nook on a pillow, and my glasses don't get shoved all cattywampus. And I can read an 800 page paperback with just one hand. And my thumb doesn't cramp when I'm on page 400 or so from trying to hold the book open. And I can increase the font size so I don't have to go buy the next higher magnification of reading glasses. Yet. And I don't have to fill Epic Dog's tote with books when we travel to baseball games.
I'll still buy some hardback books, but that's just because I love collecting books. For the actual reading, I'm hooked on the Nook!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
We don't get out of school until June 10, and I believe that makes us the last district in the entire WORLD still in session. (It's okay, I'm an English teacher. That makes me a professional. When I do it, it's not exaggeration-it's hyperbole. Except in this case, it's probably truth.)
Do you have any idea how challenging it is to keep teenagers in their seats, let alone engaged in learning, when their friends/cousins in surrounding districts are at the lake or Six Flags? Those extra days off that were scattered through the year aren't looking so great in retrospect.
Fortunately, we killed off Romeo and Juliet on Friday, and this time, I was really glad to see them die. In fact, I would have been happy had it ended like Hamlet-darn near every character on the stage dead. R & J projects are due Monday. That, the final essay, and final exam will be the last grading to complete. And, no, I will not give you an extra credit project to complete on the last day when you realize that you're two points from an A or a B. You can't just email it to me and have me grade it after school ends. I'm hateful that way.
Do you have any idea how challenging it is to keep teenagers in their seats, let alone engaged in learning, when their friends/cousins in surrounding districts are at the lake or Six Flags? Those extra days off that were scattered through the year aren't looking so great in retrospect.
Fortunately, we killed off Romeo and Juliet on Friday, and this time, I was really glad to see them die. In fact, I would have been happy had it ended like Hamlet-darn near every character on the stage dead. R & J projects are due Monday. That, the final essay, and final exam will be the last grading to complete. And, no, I will not give you an extra credit project to complete on the last day when you realize that you're two points from an A or a B. You can't just email it to me and have me grade it after school ends. I'm hateful that way.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Snow Days
The two snows days here at the end of the week, combined with Monday's holiday, makes for a really nice, unexpected break. I was going to have a five day weekend anyway. My sub requests for Thursday and Friday were in the system well before the district announced the closing.
It's not that I needed the time off, or that I'm lazy and unmotivated. It's that I don't drive in snow and ice. I've done it-more than once. Last winter, my normal 50 minute drive home took over three hours one icy evening. No more. I would probably (have to say "probably" because it's never happened) throw my body between a student and a crazed gunman, and I would probably stay inside a burning building in order to get the kids to safety. (I did once stand between my sixth graders and a 5'11," 250 lb angry 16 year old who cocked back his fist to punch me when I wouldn't let him go after any of the kids. He didn't hit me because his little brother latched onto his arm and hung from it until help arrived. )But I'm not dying on an icy road just to try get to the children and impart my wisdom. Mainly because if I'm dead, I can't impart any more wisdom.
I actually had a conversation along these lines with a colleague recently. We were discussing the fact that if one of us died, a sub would be at the empty desk in short order, and a replacement would be hired in a week or less. I then commented that someone would also have to clear off my desk.
My colleague replied, "Oh yeah. First I would call Half-Price Books to bring over a truck. Then I would drag a dumpster over to that door and fill it."
I'm a little concerned. She said all of this quickly, as though she had given it some thought. If anything happens to me, someone needs to check into the alibi of the teacher two doors down!
It's not that I needed the time off, or that I'm lazy and unmotivated. It's that I don't drive in snow and ice. I've done it-more than once. Last winter, my normal 50 minute drive home took over three hours one icy evening. No more. I would probably (have to say "probably" because it's never happened) throw my body between a student and a crazed gunman, and I would probably stay inside a burning building in order to get the kids to safety. (I did once stand between my sixth graders and a 5'11," 250 lb angry 16 year old who cocked back his fist to punch me when I wouldn't let him go after any of the kids. He didn't hit me because his little brother latched onto his arm and hung from it until help arrived. )But I'm not dying on an icy road just to try get to the children and impart my wisdom. Mainly because if I'm dead, I can't impart any more wisdom.
I actually had a conversation along these lines with a colleague recently. We were discussing the fact that if one of us died, a sub would be at the empty desk in short order, and a replacement would be hired in a week or less. I then commented that someone would also have to clear off my desk.
My colleague replied, "Oh yeah. First I would call Half-Price Books to bring over a truck. Then I would drag a dumpster over to that door and fill it."
I'm a little concerned. She said all of this quickly, as though she had given it some thought. If anything happens to me, someone needs to check into the alibi of the teacher two doors down!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Passings
Over Christmas break Young Epic read Chasing the Bear by Robert B. Parker and greatly enjoyed it. At that point I realized he had never read any of Parker's Spenser novels, so I ordered the first two in the series. I've been rereading them before I ship them off to YE, and I was deeply saddened to read of the recent death of Parker.
While the work will remain with us, and new generations will discover Spenser, Susan, Hawk, Pearl, and Parker's other characters, I will miss experiencing their further adventures.
While the work will remain with us, and new generations will discover Spenser, Susan, Hawk, Pearl, and Parker's other characters, I will miss experiencing their further adventures.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Maybe Next Year
There was no Christmas tree in the Epic household this year. In fact, there were no Christmas decorations of any kind. It's NOT that I'm a complete Scrooge, and I really do generally love the season. But after the trauma of last year, I wanted this year to be as stress free as possible...
Apparently, every other person in the world buys a Christmas tree from the tree farm during Thanksgiving. I thought I was early last year when I showed up two weeks before Christmas. Wrong. I was greeted with the sight of tree-farm-rejects. I’m not saying that some of them wouldn’t grow into fine trees, but, for the most part, they could have benefited from the tree equivalent of braces.
After some disheartened wandering amongst the Island of Misfit Trees, I approached the tree farmer. He had some cut trees that, he earnestly assured me, had been kept watered and would not drop all of the needles into my carpet. I picked one and headed home.
Upon arrival, Mr. Epic helped me attempt to put the tree in the new, high-end tree stand. I won’t go into all of the gory details, but, let’s just say that Mr. Tree Farmer neglected to point out that this fine specimen had a warped trunk. And those well-watered needles showered down in a continuous fall. Mr. Epic’s frustration mounted as the trunk refused to fit into the stand, even after repeated modifications with a saw. I, dripping in sweat and covered with tree needle jabs, eventually flew into a towering rage, grabbed the tree, dragged it out the front door, and threw it into the driveway.
After sitting on the couch for a bit, I decided to give it one more try with the old, metal tree stand. Mr. Epic made the stand work, the tree was forced into submission, and the decorating commenced. Later that evening, as the lights twinkled, I turned to Mr. Epic and said, “I may be having PMS.”
Mr. Epic responded, “What was YOUR first clue? Mine was when you threw the tree out the front door.”
Apparently, every other person in the world buys a Christmas tree from the tree farm during Thanksgiving. I thought I was early last year when I showed up two weeks before Christmas. Wrong. I was greeted with the sight of tree-farm-rejects. I’m not saying that some of them wouldn’t grow into fine trees, but, for the most part, they could have benefited from the tree equivalent of braces.
After some disheartened wandering amongst the Island of Misfit Trees, I approached the tree farmer. He had some cut trees that, he earnestly assured me, had been kept watered and would not drop all of the needles into my carpet. I picked one and headed home.
Upon arrival, Mr. Epic helped me attempt to put the tree in the new, high-end tree stand. I won’t go into all of the gory details, but, let’s just say that Mr. Tree Farmer neglected to point out that this fine specimen had a warped trunk. And those well-watered needles showered down in a continuous fall. Mr. Epic’s frustration mounted as the trunk refused to fit into the stand, even after repeated modifications with a saw. I, dripping in sweat and covered with tree needle jabs, eventually flew into a towering rage, grabbed the tree, dragged it out the front door, and threw it into the driveway.
After sitting on the couch for a bit, I decided to give it one more try with the old, metal tree stand. Mr. Epic made the stand work, the tree was forced into submission, and the decorating commenced. Later that evening, as the lights twinkled, I turned to Mr. Epic and said, “I may be having PMS.”
Mr. Epic responded, “What was YOUR first clue? Mine was when you threw the tree out the front door.”
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Dumping dogs
On the way home from Deep Southeast Texas (it always feels as if we are escaping a sucking swamp when we leave there), Mr. Epic spotted two abandoned puppies on the side of the road. There really wasn’t much discussion about what to do-I turned around and went back to get them. We would figure out what to do with them when we got home. When we got back to them, it wasn’t two. It was five (I know-that’s a pack). And they weren’t baby puppies, more like adolescents-some sort of wiener-dog mix.
When the Explorer stopped, Young Epic got out to round up the dogs, but they headed into the East Texas trees and underbrush. He headed in after them. You haven’t lived (or felt like you’re gonna die) until you’ve battled East Texas thicket. Mr. Epic finally made Young Epic come back. We had no desire to have to go get rabies shots because we wanted to rescue dogs that had no use for humans.
There should be a special, really hot, nasty place in the next life for people who abandon animals. For Pete’s sake, take them to an animal shelter. They don’t charge anything to take them, and it doesn’t take any longer than a trip to the mall. Oh sure, the people there might lecture you about spaying/neutering your pets, but you can always lie and say somebody dropped them off at your house. What do you care what strangers think about you?
I do have to confess, once we got home and the snow started, there was a sense of relief that we didn’t have Epic Dog (she's an animal shelter baby) plus five strange dogs inside the house until Monday. Couldn't really take dogs from 70 degree weather and throw them out in the yard in the snow. But I wouldn't mind taking the person/people who dumped them and leaving them out in the weather.
When the Explorer stopped, Young Epic got out to round up the dogs, but they headed into the East Texas trees and underbrush. He headed in after them. You haven’t lived (or felt like you’re gonna die) until you’ve battled East Texas thicket. Mr. Epic finally made Young Epic come back. We had no desire to have to go get rabies shots because we wanted to rescue dogs that had no use for humans.
There should be a special, really hot, nasty place in the next life for people who abandon animals. For Pete’s sake, take them to an animal shelter. They don’t charge anything to take them, and it doesn’t take any longer than a trip to the mall. Oh sure, the people there might lecture you about spaying/neutering your pets, but you can always lie and say somebody dropped them off at your house. What do you care what strangers think about you?
I do have to confess, once we got home and the snow started, there was a sense of relief that we didn’t have Epic Dog (she's an animal shelter baby) plus five strange dogs inside the house until Monday. Couldn't really take dogs from 70 degree weather and throw them out in the yard in the snow. But I wouldn't mind taking the person/people who dumped them and leaving them out in the weather.
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